A lot of people are afraid of telling each what they really feel. It’s not that we don’t value honesty, almost all of us do (except the psychopaths, dishonesty is a playground for those guys), however, it is a little hard to admit that everytime you see this one person the only feeling you have is love and then answering their “What’s up?” with “nothing much.”
Somedays I feel like it would be pretty invigorating to just go “When I see your face my life lights up and the way your body moves is a gift from god” or something like that, but I’ve heard apparently that’s crossing boundaries or something.
Except I don’t believe it is.
We live in this world where it’s looked down upon to express yourself honestly because it makes us feel like if we say something or do anything that’s inappropriate then we’re going to get “cancelled” or we’re going to be sent to jail or humiliated or whatever the case might be.
Yet we almost always prefer honest communication over lies and facades. Unfortunately, believing honesty is important and actually being honest are two different things.
Learning to let yourself make mistakes and be silly is important in order to be healthy yet people feel that just because someone is a little weird or is a little pushy, it’s a sign of ill health or something like that.
How much do you think people worry about how they look, how they talk, what they talk about, what they should worry about and so on and so on. Man this is such a frustrating problem to have to deal with, right?
Well, we have to start taking steps towards getting closer to being ourselves.
Now remember, this isn’t about what being yourself means. Just because you say “I love you” doesn’t mean you’re making some kind of commitment or anything like that and this is exactly the problem I’m trying to get at.
People behave as if anything and everything that they do will define who they are when the reality is we do and say things out of a spontaneous reaction. In that moment, if it feels right or we just somehow do it, that’s how we’re supposed to live. It’s not about thinking about or worrying about why someone did something or said something and whether it’s right for you or any of that nonsense. It’s literally about accepting that sometimes who we are doesn’t have to make any sense and that sometimes you can say something and it doesn’t have to mean anything.
Perhaps crossing boundaries is less of a violation but more of an initiation towards a playful dynamic, a relationship maybe?
Just look at children, they push and fight and spit, yet there are also moments when they’re hugging, in love or connecting. This is what life is all about: Being a human being.
It’s not about saying one thing and never being wrong, or avoiding violating someone else’s boundaries and being perfect all the time. It’s literally about standing up for yourself, letting others stand up for themselves and watching what happens when the energies of two or more people intertwine and what arises out of that.
I know it can be hard when we’ve lived a lifetime or childhood believing that being one thing or the other would be beneficial to us and so we end up living this life in which we suppress ourselves and prevent our “truth” from being shown. What’s even more scary is that our society today is being built around these kinds of mechanisms so that anyone who isn’t living like this is being punished!
Yet when people see the truth of the matter and start standing up for themselves, they do a complete 180 and believe that since they were living a life of suppression, the correct life must be one of oppression.
This is not the way we should be spending our energy.
The truth is that both suppression and oppression (or as I like to see them, crests and troughs of a wave) are a part of life and the energetic dynamics between people. It is balance that is healthy and it is within constant flow that we can find this balance.
It’s not about finding out the right answer and then never having problems ever again. It’s about realizing that we’re all exploding with emotions, thoughts, fears and we’re currently living on this really unhealthy spectrum in which our experience is taking us to the extremes.
Yet it is not the expression that is the problem but the lack of control, or perhaps the lack of acceptance that is causing such volatile swings in who we are and how society manages itself.
You have to realize that we’re here to be ourselves, weird behaviors and all. And if you believe that you can live a life hiding that or not talking about it and still expect to be healthy, then you underestimate your own power. These volatile swings don’t arise out of some inherent problem with society, they arise out of a need to be healthy. If we suppress ourselves long enough, it’s going to take an equal amount of “energy output” in order to return ourselves to the balance that we’re supposed to find ourselves in.
If we let ourselves believe that society can dictate where this balance should lie or that you can quantify what this means then that’s exactly the problem. We need to first observe ourselves living a life in which exression of self is normal and healthy before we can decide what’s right and what’s wrong, and even then, it’s still important to remember that it’s not about maintaining this balance. If we let ourselves be ourselves, this balance will maintain itself. It’s the fact that we’re trying to control things in the first place that’s sending us off track.
*ok deep breaths*
See listen, if we just start to make a few baby steps towards loving ourselves a little bit more, if we just start to accept our weirdness and things we would never feel like we could truly be honest about, we’ll find ourselves living in a world that manages itself a little better, loves itself a little better and isn’t ashamed of telling a random stranger that they love them the same way they would tell their best friend.
But even though that might be the case, the world we currently live in does not work like that. So many people are suffering and living incorrectly, feeling like they can’t connect with others, feeling like they don’t belong. Living in this world with such harsh feelings is going to mean living in a world that is difficult to be correct in.
Yet we have to live in a manner that’s right for us, we have to at least do what we can for ourselves, right?
This is why it’s ok to say “I love you.” Don’t do it because you read this post and now believe it’s supposed to be said. Don’t do it because someone who hears these words would like it and that means you’re some kind person or something, no. Do it because you love yourself. Do it because you recognize the suffering of others and have decided that while it may continue to be a part of the world, it’s not going to keep you down. Do it because you know that how ever much you succeed in the world, we’re still going to feel like shit and that that’s ok because it’s a part of being a human being.
If we all live like this, then maybe, just maybe, humanity will stand a chance.
Stand a chance at what exactly? Well, living a normal human experience that is satisfying instead of living a normal human experience that is frustrating.
Either way, accepting that we’re normal human beings will itself be a step in the right direction.