It’s really scary how many people believe that a real relationship has to be one with no problems whatsoever, that conflict is some kind of dissausion towards true love and that anything less than perfect deserves to be shut down.
As a sensitive person I know very well how many people in the world are suffering and feel like they don’t fit in, like they can’t. They feel like they have to be something very specific, they feel like they have to be exactly what the world wants them to be, whether this is for their parents, their teachers, their partners, their children.
But, what’s wrong with being wrong? What’s wrong with being sad and arguing all the time? What’s wrong with saying irrational things in a mean voice knowing that what you’re saying doesn’t make any sense? Why are we kept from expressing ourselves like this?
Yes, if everyone was healthy we wouldn’t have to deal with the shit other people bring into our lives. If our parents, teachers, spouses and children just figured their own lives out we wouldn’t have to deal with the suffering and demands they put out. We would finally have space to overcome whatever it is that we’re holding on to. We wouldn’t have problems if the entire world just fixed itself, right?
Damn.
Why are we so harsh with the world?
Do you want to know why we’re so harsh with the world?
It’s because we’re truly this harsh with ourselves.
We’ve been living our lives believing that if we changed ourselves then our desires would just click into place and everything would work.
To believe that being mature means taking your pain and suffering away from the people around you who can understand you because you know they have no space (in their hearts) to listen to you is not an easy world to live in.
Yet we still believe that there’s something wrong with us for having problems.
Maybe it’s time to realize that problems are just a part of the life we live in, that getting over problems isn’t about figuring something out but being yourself and letting your emotions out when they need to.
Maybe it’s time to realize that shouting at someone isn’t as bad because all of us have the capability to be sympathetic and realize that even if someone seems like they’re angry at us, the truth is that the pain in their heart is so loud that they don’t believe they deserve to cry, so they shout instead.
We can share ourselves with each other despite how toxic it may feel, because being ourselves starts with being honest. Honesty is the only way we can go from being in a place in which we believe we don’t belong to finding a place that is less toxic, more accepting and more welcoming to who you are.
Maybe we have to realize that being unhealthy around people as yourself is better than shutting yourself off because you don’t have a safe space to express yourself.
And inversely, maybe we have to realize that being unhealthy around people as yourself is better than forcing ourselves to be the only voice that uses the space around us. We can co-exist with the people (the human beings) who truly can understand how we feel inside.
Maybe we can realize that healthy relationships are less about being perfect or avoiding them and more about pushing and pulling on the boundaries of the people in your life until you find a balance that you’re comfortable with.
Maybe the truth is that there is no perfect place that represents a healthy relationship. Finding a healthy relationship is as much a part of love as is actually finding someone who is healthy and deserves a chance at love in this life.
Maybe we’ll start to realize that what we’re lacking is not the right man or woman in our lives but the compassion we deserve to give ourselves.
Maybe it’s the compassion we’re missing that makes us miss all the beautiful people out there who could be your “perfect” match but like you suffers greatly and is being left out. They are left out by the aching hearts of people who would rather hate an imperfect humanity than accept their own pain in life.
Maybe there is someone out there for whom a little compassion could be the gift they desired all along that would restart their engine and shine their beauty in our faces.
Maybe that someone is you.
Maybe you deserve to show yourself some compassion today, so why not be healthy for a change and allow yourself to be imperfect, allow yourself to be a human being.
And finally, yes, maybe using the word “maybe” 12 times in a row might not be the best way to keep a listener focused and interested in what you’re saying, but maybe (13) allowing yourself to be you is the starting point of a healthy relationship with the people around you and anything less than you, even if it feels safe (to you or anyone else) is actually the real source of a lack of wellbeing in our lives.
Raghav Mehra 